R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
