So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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