I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
