do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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