did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
