His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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