if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
