if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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