I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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