so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
