You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
