for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
