I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
