The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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