in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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