what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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