I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
