a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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