i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
