Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
