OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
