D3 body, D1 cock
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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