dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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