just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
