so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
