i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize