I wish I could teleport
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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