i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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