I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
