wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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