How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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