I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
