He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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