Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
