I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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