I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
