so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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