Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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