it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
