Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
