So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
