All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
