So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
