if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
