I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my being single is dangerous.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
