That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
