Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
