Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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