i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
