So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
