I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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