This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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