So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is Oprah even human
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