I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
