I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
