I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
