ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
