He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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