So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
