we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
