thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
