I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
