I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize