I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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