This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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