I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
