Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
