Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
