I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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