so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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