I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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