Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
