Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
