Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
