i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
