Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
