I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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