just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
