you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
