he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
