I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize