I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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