I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
