Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
