Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
