Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
