how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
