I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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