i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I love you. Go after that dick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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