the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
