the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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