There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
