he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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