the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
