My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
